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Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Going To Hell

Well I could have told you that about myself...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Moderate

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Posted by Dio Bach at 19:21 | 0 comments | links to this post

Oh Dear, Dear, Dearie, Dear

People of Iraq, we bring you a new kind of dictatorship. [The Register] - You can see the news stories now: "Iraqi teen stoned to death by over zelaous corporate men in suits for file swapping MP3s."

Now where did you hide those weapons of mass replication?

Posted by Dio Bach at 19:15 | 0 comments | links to this post
Tuesday, April 29, 2003

Random Poetry

Who needs poets when you have the Dylan Thomas random poem generator? BBC - Wales - Dylan Thomas - Random Poem Generator. Hats of to this new site on Wales' famous writer.

To be honest, I'm all for random poetry. The best piece of poetry I ever wrote came from using poetry fridge magnets - I believe David Bowie used the same cut-up word method to write his lyrics and the lines coming from the surreal generator below have been sheer genius. This one works well also, some nice results, very Dylan Thomas.

Personally, I'm a massive fan of Thomas' prose, although I can see the genius in his poetry to. His prose though is something else. The short stories in his Collected Stories are just bizarre. I wish I had read them before I had wrote my shorts, I would have cited him as a definite influence!

Apparently David Lynch is a massive fan also. Nursey tells me he owns a place in Carmarthen, due to this fascination with Thomas. Nursey has had that second hand though, so I don't know how true it is, but wouldn't it be great if he was? There are certainly touches of Dylan Thomas' stories in Lynch's films.

Posted by Dio Bach at 13:46 | 0 comments | links to this post

Hot Cakes

Had a nice surprise this morning. Two Paintings I put up at the weekend have sold today. Old ones from a while back (1995) - That makes seven paintings I've sold in the last month. My old stock of paintings is dwindling fast. I have two new ones on the go also.

It is really rewarding to be selling these works - Up until recently I had only sold a few. I'd love to go part-time here at work and spend the rest of the time painting to sell. Maybe in a few years when the little one is a bit more grown-up.

Posted by Dio Bach at 10:29 | 0 comments | links to this post

Cock-Eyed

Played Mr. Chicky at Badminton for the first time in 6 weeks last night. He won but it was a very close game. I had me first badminton injury also - I managed to flick the shuttlecock straight into my left eye!

Wondering how I managed it? Me too. It was a last ditch shot. I'd been caught facing the wrong way and tried to flick it back over me shoulder with my back to the net. It never got as far as me shoulder.

It stung like a bugger. Right in the eyeball at full whack. Today my eye feels like it has been glued to a 50hz refresh rate monitor for 24 hour solid - playing thread the needle. Still sore this morning, but it doesn't look damaged. Is it possible to bruise your eyeball?

A strange night also. I got to bed about 12.30, absolutely knackered. I just could not drop off. Time was flying, every time I looked up again after concentrating on trying to sleep (by trying to stay awake) 30 minutes had passed.

I think I finally went over at 3am. Don't feel to bad so far, had a driving lesson already but I suspect it will kick in before long

Posted by Dio Bach at 10:21 | 0 comments | links to this post
Monday, April 28, 2003

Search Me Silly

I've put a list of the searches people have used to arrive here on line for you to admire. It is shocking how many of them are due to my poor spelling skills. You can see them all here: The searches that bought people here...

Some of my favourites:

msxml.infospace.com (teoma.com) #10: Brain Fucking
alltheweb.com #6: fun facts about cheese
google.com.au #6: female arses
dogpile.com (Fast selection) #4: dirty fun test
Google: wheelchair gimp girl
Google: singer of dio homosexual
Yahoo: fun urination
Google: SPLOTT SEX
Yahoo: real audio heaven and hell by dio
Google: peachy arses
Yahoo: dirty little geisha
Yahoo: dirty female arses

What's with all these arse seekers? They got an arse alright - just not the kind they expected!

Posted by Dio Bach at 14:11 | 0 comments | links to this post

Every Bloggy Should Have One

Clicked onto this handy URL at the weekend. What a great idea! You can navigate by location of bloggers and sites in relation to each other. These are the people near mine! GeoURL

Posted by Dio Bach at 13:13 | 0 comments | links to this post

Annoyed

This is a story about my friend. He works in a publicly funded new media venture. He is annoyed that one small area in his beleaguered department has won a major national award for their project.

Let me explain why he is so annoyed at such good news. He tells me they take a massive chunk of funding - grossly out of proportion to the rest of the department (where people are being laid off.) They essentially produce an inferior product at great expense. Unfortunately, the people who hold the purse strings and give out the awards have little idea about the wider world of technology, outside of his backwards country. If they did they would see how dated and poor the product is, and how expensive to produce.

Worse still, as they are so blinkered, they actually think the product has some worth. He says it only appeals on a middle-class social and intellectual level. That is allied with the work having a community remit. Despite that, he tells me there is much better and more relevant stuff happening out in the wider world of new media. Unfortunately, as it picks such a worthy chord in the clueless people in charge, they think it is marvellous.

He goes on to tell me that this product is greatly disliked and ignored by the vast majority of the audience who pay for it and whom it is intended for. Also, while it pretends to allow the people bought in to make the product, to make it in their own voice and vision, it in fact makes sure that the voice they use is editorially controlled and shaped to reflect the tastes of those in charge.

Now they have this award, they have made sure they can perpetuate this nonsense, waste more public money funding more product of an equally poor quality that will be largely ignored by the people paying for it. All because a few backwards and out-of-touch high-ups think it is so worthy.

Unfortunately for my friend, he is in no position to question the people doing this. I must empathise with my friend, as that sounds utterly frustrating. I am sure he is glad he got this off his chest.

Posted by Dio Bach at 09:24 | 0 comments | links to this post
Saturday, April 26, 2003

Attack Of The Daisy Herring

Random surrealism...



Supplied by ...[ravenblack.net]

Posted by Dio Bach at 23:42 | 0 comments | links to this post

Graaaagh

Tasty, munchie, finally got round to do that Bach's Arco Pitcairn zombie I mentioned a while back, from the stupendous Dawn of the Dead.

To my annoyance he hadn't the logo on his front but on his back. The transition between front and back shots must have made the name stick in my head as being on the front. I must have seen this film 20+ times. I was sure it was on the front of the shirt - memory is a funny thing!

A little PhotoShop jiggery and he is sorted - Boy what a futile waste of PC time...

Click on the photo for a zombietastic special surprise...



The original still...

Posted by Dio Bach at 22:19 | 0 comments | links to this post
Friday, April 25, 2003

Superb!

Pinched from the B3ta newsletter - [electric 6 - gay bar]

The look on their faces as they start rocking out is spot on. Bush and Blair do the Electric 6. These guys are growing on me fast - their last video was superb as well - I think this is a promo for them.

Posted by Dio Bach at 19:07 | 0 comments | links to this post

I'm Sorry...

But I'd have to disagree [BBC NEWS | England | Nottinghamshire | Fantasy games 'not for geeks'] I don't know one fantasy game player who is isn't, and working on the web I know plenty of people who play these games. Not that there is anything wrong with being a geek - just don't go to extremes!

Posted by Dio Bach at 16:15 | 0 comments | links to this post
Thursday, April 24, 2003

Hay Holly!

Oh dear - pardon the pun. Spotted the Hay stuff on your blog and wondered if your eye had caught the link to the Hay Festival of Literature 2003?

I'd be surprised if you hadn't heard of this. It's an annual big deal over here - guest speakers in the past have include people like Bill Clinton, Paul McCartney, Germaine Greer and many renowned others. The BBC does a bit of broadcasting from there as well and usually has a good round up show. You should keep an eye out for BBC Radio shows as you can normally stream them online. Thought the Duchess of Books may be interested to know about the event!

I don't believe Hay is actually in Wales though - I think its a gnat's whisker into England, but we have cannily claimed it for our own.

Posted by Dio Bach at 19:13 | 0 comments | links to this post

Make Money

And get to hurt big pollution corporations? I like the sound of this - donate your profits to other organisations who are doing activist work. If I had any spare cash, I would be signing up to this like a rocket. [Karma Banque :: what goes around, comes around]

The Drug's Don't Work...

This story came up today and it angered me slightly [BBC NEWS | Health | Obesity drugs 'no quick fix'] The problem is obvious, people once they have lost the weight will think they can go back to their old ways and eat the same.

Save millions - prescribe them a dose of Gillian Rilley's Book - Eating Less. It's the one which has done it for me - It gets totally into the psychology of eating and it has helped me to completely change my eating habits. I used to eat and eat - all of it crap. Now I strive to eat most of my food in its closest to the natural state. What's more - I don't get pissed off with not eating processed, sugar full, supermarket crap. I am able to eat what I want - I just choose that which is healthiest. I honestly cannot pick up sweets or anything full of crap without putting it back - I always feel better when I do.

Best still, it ain't a diet. It's a lifestyle change. I've lost the best part of 2 stone in 6 months. If this was a diet I would put it all back on at the end. For me it is actually a side effect of eating healthier - I'm not fixating on it either. I will probably loose more, but I still have some problems I need to address in my eating habits...

Another thing I've noticed is my health. Since I chosse to eat better quality natural food - I have not been ill. I normally get loads of colds - haven't had one for ages! And it all tastes so much better too. I can't get enough fresh, clean goodness. Don't get me wrong, I still eat stuff like chips and that, but in different quanitities and ways. It totally works. I feel better than I have in years. Coupled with Allen Carr's Easyway to Give Up Smoking - this book has completely changed my life (and hopefully helped me to be a fit dad and healthy - touch wood.)

People don't realise that supermarkets are as bad as tobacco companies. They feed you acceptable poision for their own profit. The fatter they can get you the more you have to buy. Simple really. I woke up when I had a salad in one which was so full of sugar and crap, it was disgraceful - yet it was masquerading as healthy eating... Fight back!

Posted by Dio Bach at 12:01 | 0 comments | links to this post
Wednesday, April 23, 2003

I Had A Feeling

This may happen with SARS. That's what viruses and bacteria do - they mutate. Honestly - your best chance is to be fit and healthy to fight it off. Cut all the processed food and sugar out of your life (it's worse than smoking) - eat fresh and natural foods and exercise. I reckon this will be a global mass killer before long [DEAD LINK]

Posted by Dio Bach at 13:25 | 0 comments | links to this post
Tuesday, April 22, 2003

Pidgeon Welsh

I like this site, it launched last week and is basically about this virtual Seren character and her teenage tribulations and life. Motion capture and all sorts of innovative stuff are involved - which is remarkable as innovation, freshness and modernity are not assets I automatically associate with anything to do with the Welsh language. ;)

I also like the fact that the Welsh used is really simple and full of Wenglish - that will really (and hopefully) get the backs up of all those Welsh language snobs who turned me off ever learning more of my language. I can understand loads of this site with my limited knowledge of Welsh - should be a good site for the younger Welsh. [BBC - Cymru'r Byd - Seren]

Posted by Dio Bach at 13:45 | 0 comments | links to this post
Monday, April 21, 2003

Weapons Of Mass Lactation

Suddenly, Ali G asking an ex- US General if the USA should nuke Canada takes on a sinister dark side. [DEAD LINK] Montreal Gazette - Story - canada.com network LOL. Is this true? Mrs Dio Bach will be warned...

Posted by Dio Bach at 23:18 | 0 comments | links to this post

Oh Well...

It's your turn in the herring barrel Mr Dio Bach...

Back to work in the morning after 10 glorious days off. My last holiday of pleasing myself, doing my things, indulging myself - sigh - daddy time approaches.

Can't wait!

Posted by Dio Bach at 22:46 | 0 comments | links to this post
Sunday, April 20, 2003

Read A Story By Moi

I've been working hard on my Meltwater site all week. I've now done the writing section, with all me short stories and a couple of chapters of the long overdue novel... [Meltwater - The Dark Heart of Wales - Writing]

Posted by Dio Bach at 17:25 | 0 comments | links to this post

About Sums It Up

I'm just sick of humanity at the moment. I truly believe we just all need exterminating. Lies, cruelty and stupidity are our greatest achievements - let's not kind ourselves that shit like art and culture really matter. When it comes down to it. It really doesn't.

I had to post this comment from [WHAT REALLY HAPPENED] because it just perfectly summed up something that the majority of brow beating, patriotic pinheads just will not see or admit.

"Everyone seems to not want to state the obvious, so here goes. THERE ARE NO IRAQI WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. THEY WERE NEVER THERE, PEOPLE. DEAL WITH IT! THAT'S WHY THE US HAS BROUGHT IN A MAN WITH A PRIOR RECORD OF PLANTING EVIDENCE OF VX GAS TO HEAD UP THE "SEARCH". This war was about the oil. This war has always been about the oil. Burning oil well, headlines. Burning children, big yawn. Oil wells protected, museums looted. Oil ministry protected, library burned. Oil pipeline to Syria blown up, oil pipeline to Israel opening. Oil, oil, oil, oil, oil. GET IT?"

Could you not just love to get George B in a room and say - "Look, enough of the bullshit. All you really care about is money isn't it? Just have the courage to admit to me that is so. You want to fuck the environment, expand you bank balance and fuck cares about who you hurt in the process." I could go on all night, but really my heart hurts at the moment. Stupidity reigns. Self interest is king. Religion is the devil. Tolerance, peace and understanding just mystical constructs. It's time I got over it.

Posted by Dio Bach at 00:57 | 0 comments | links to this post
Saturday, April 19, 2003

The Heat Is On

Remarkable April heatwave has bad side effects here in Wales. We were up the woods by us yesterday, and it was like an accident waiting to happen. Dryed out bracken and scrub, it indeed looked liked the proverbial tinderbox.

It also dawned on me that we could be affected too. We are only a few hundred metres away from the edge of the Plymouth Woods. Scary. Looks like these folks in Port Talbot have had a lucky escape [BBC NEWS | UK | Forest fire laps at gardens]

Still - it looks like the heatwave has ended today and there is rain forcast. Looking at the ground yesterday, it will take a good few downpours to wet things up again.

Posted by Dio Bach at 12:49 | 0 comments | links to this post
Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Sunburnt And Snowblind

You could be forgiven for thinking you've walked into Edward Hopper land or wondering if I realise I've misquoted a Cocteau Twins record. Both are equally possible.

Had a nice drive to day, which I enjoyed as I drove most of the way (I am currently a learner driver) and the weather was amazing (even though I hate the sun) and then drove back.

The nice weather has caught us on the hop - its only April still, we don't expect to get it this warm this early. So yes, I am slightly sunburnt - I do burn like "stomachs in hell" and learnt a long time ago to avoid long exposure to the sun. I'm more the Herman Melville cold person type, where I enjoy the rainy November day in my soul... Or summit.

Anyhow - we went to Nash Point in the Vale of Glamorgan (the Vale is a place I had never really appreciated until recent years) and had a stroll by the lighthouses. I took my big camera but didn't use it. It was all to white and sunny. A few perfunctory and phallic big tower shots and one or two nice shapes and shadows with the digital were the order of the day. My heart weren't in it to be honest.

And now I must to bed as I have to get up early (on a holiday day - GAH!) for a rescheduled driving lesson... I'm learning in a gas fuelled Mercedes. Nice. Puts our beast to shame. Here are some of the pics from today and you can see the rest over at the web gallery [DEAD GALLERY].







Posted by Dio Bach at 22:58 | 0 comments | links to this post
Monday, April 14, 2003

It's A Cats Life

Phew, a day off, I got to run around and do lots of little bitty things today, should save me doing them again the rest of the week.

It's nice to relax, especially now as the war is over, Bush is a hero and the axis of evil is crushed under the superior might of 'civilised' men... (Yes - I am being Ironic.)

On the plus side, I got to enjoy me cat's company today, and see how they spend their time. All I can say is it looks like fun. I've asked them if they will swap with me and they just look at me gone-off and plain refuse... Here are some scenes from their day.

Just chillin', drinking a bird... (this is a remarkable photo, to see them all together within two foot of each other is rare, especially as there is no food about to be served and they ain't trying to eat Luca.)



"Wow - where did this big box thing come from?" Endless hours of fun..."



"Nope - you wouldn't get me in there guv"



"Wheeeeeeeee! My box, my box, my box! Just get that ginger madam off the top - she's crushing me!"



Louie auditions to be a cuddly toy in the newly furbished nursery room



Ah... If only our lifes could be this simple...

Posted by Dio Bach at 16:36 | 0 comments | links to this post
Sunday, April 13, 2003

Pinhead 2

Probably be a bit quiet around these parts this week with me being on hols and trying to stay sober. ;)

Finished a little bitty (A5) painting last night on canvas (first canvas since college days) and its quite different for me again. Its called "Pinhead The Shadowman 02 (As Big As A Mountain)"



If you are thinking that the angles and shadows are wrong, well, you are right, that's never bothered me though. I like ambiguous and incongruous lighting effects, even if I can't spell them.

It will be up for sale on Ebay before long with the first pinhead painting (see below.) I would also like to thank Holly for her comments on the tag board and Graham for the comments on his blog. Thanks guys - I may immortalise your words for future adverts like in the movies. You know - "the greatest heap of turd I've ever seen" becomes "the greatest..." that kind of thing. Wow, nobody has written about my work before now. Chuffed to bits.

Posted by Dio Bach at 21:23 | 0 comments | links to this post
Friday, April 11, 2003

History Hunters

Huzzah - its now live. This site has been taking up a load of my time recently in work, my first in a producers role (minus the producers money.) I'd love to be able to claim responsibility for it all, the flash map, the content and design, but unfortunately I just helped bring it all together and populate it with content. Still loads of content and development to go, but its nice to see something go up. [BBC - Wales - History Hunters]

And now I have a week and a day off. My last before the little one gets here, so I am going to enjoy it. I have loads of plans, but I expect I will only accomplish a fraction of them (as usual).

Posted by Dio Bach at 21:53 | 0 comments | links to this post
Thursday, April 10, 2003

It Had To Happen

Ever get the feeling this whole war was just one big audition for this guy. Give him his own series - NOW! [We Love the Iraqi Information Minister]

UPDATE: They are already trying... [Petition]

Posted by Dio Bach at 16:24 | 0 comments | links to this post

Links From Popbitch

Little Baby Dio Bach will probably be clamouring for one of these...[All I Want for Christmas is a Bombed-Out Dollhouse]

And this is good fun too. [Am I Annoying]

Snowed under this week - haven't been able to take a lunchbreak since Monday. On the plus side, started two new paintings last night. Got a week off next week. Stroll on!

Posted by Dio Bach at 12:21 | 0 comments | links to this post

Outstanding

The second one is my fave at the moment - only had time for one page but I like the cut of his jib...

[www.mnftiu.cc | get your war on | page one]

Posted by Dio Bach at 10:05 | 0 comments | links to this post
Tuesday, April 08, 2003

4 Years Later

I find I've been painting like I did when I was 19. Oh well. Its finished - its not quite what I expected, I fell back into old habits (it is early days) and styles - Its not nearly abstract as I'd planned - that will be addressed. Its not marvellous, but I like it - a new journey always starts with a step. See what you think.

It's called "Pinhead the Shadowman 01 (Home By Sundown)"

Posted by Dio Bach at 09:46 | 0 comments | links to this post
Monday, April 07, 2003

Lucky Escape

Top BBC reporter John Simpson almost taken out in Friendly fire incident. Make sure you watch the videos - the scenes are harrowing. [BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | 'This is just a scene from hell']

Posted by Dio Bach at 12:06 | 0 comments | links to this post

Keep Score

The telling figure is the WMD discovered one...

[IRAQ-O-METER]

*Note the old site with counter has now gone, but there are now some outdated facts left in its place.
Posted by Dio Bach at 11:47 | 0 comments | links to this post

Disinformation Rise And Shine

Nothing to do with the Gaye Bykers (unfortunately) but this pesky war - it hasn't gone away. Most people seem utterly bored with such a passée topic as the war though. Commercial 24 hour news channels have started running ads again and even the BBC has sports news and weather once more. I've not mentioned it for a good few posts (but it does still weigh heavy on my mind.)

Lies and counter lies are rife, the coverage doesn't get any less editorially biased and still innocent people are being mutilated and massacred on an industrial scale. This site is a great source of articles and from around the globe, I find it useful to drop in every now and then and remind myself how horrific it all is. [WHAT REALLY HAPPENED MAIN PAGE]

And now, sports...

Posted by Dio Bach at 09:55 | 0 comments | links to this post
Sunday, April 06, 2003

Gooey

I love these creatures of the deep - this is a rare sighting and a smaller version... Squidgy. [BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Super squid surfaces in Antarctic]

Posted by Dio Bach at 02:02 | 0 comments | links to this post

More Pants Rampage

The missing frames from the infamous CCTV footage... Good to see he was enjoying himself in his work. All together now - Swing those pants Mr Pants Rampage man.

[DEAD IMAGE]

Posted by Dio Bach at 00:21 | 0 comments | links to this post
Saturday, April 05, 2003

Ker-Nackered

Been a busy day, traipsing around shopping with family. Bought a couple of canvases to do more painting, buoyed by the fact that three of my old pieces pieces sold at auction yesterday and my newest piece is coming on good (with the little time I've had to spend on it.)

Strangely jittery as well tonight as I've vowed not to get blinding drunk at home on the weekends. I suspect some minor alcohol withdrawal symptoms (only 2 glasses of wine in the last fortnight - this time last Saturday) - scary indeed. On the plus side - cracking back on with the Meltwater website I've been coming across pages I didn't know I'd made (done whilst pissed) so the workload doesn't seem so scary...

Not even remotely witty, interesting or relevant - apologies.

Posted by Dio Bach at 22:40 | 0 comments | links to this post
Friday, April 04, 2003

Pants Man Rampage

Pants Man On The RampageLets forget about the war for a moment, to reflect upon one of the top stories in my home town (Cardiff for the uninitiated) - this guy is being convicted today of going on a spree which led to the death of 43 (shop windows) and no end of smiles and guffaws around the office. The still looks like it could be from a Tango advert or something, but it is the actual CCTV footage (Real player from BBC Wales News.)

High points of the footage include the person walking past as though it was not unusual to see a pants clad, shovel wielding loon walking down the high street and the triumphant shovel salute and 'book me' at the end where he flattens out on the floor when the vans all pull up...

I see he had 217 previous offences, but I wonder if they were all windows. Pissed and drugged up window smashing seems to be a Cardiff pastime. Our cars been done 5 times in 3 years, and just before Christmas my old man caught some nutters who had been walking down our street - wait for this - headbutting car windows through. Not taking anything, but just headbutting them. Top marks for Dad for clobbering the bloke and taking him to the clink, but it could have so easy turned nasty too.

For the full story... [BBC NEWS | Wales | Pants vandal to be sentenced]

Posted by Dio Bach at 09:49 | 0 comments | links to this post

It's Official

According to google, this is presently the No 1 site on the internet for "Dirty Female Arses". [Google Search: dirty female arses. I would like to take this opportunity to thank the people out there who made this all possible. The Politicians, the web scud, the humourless, the witty... Thank you all for helping to help me achieve this long desired aim.

If we could just get the Americans to spell the word arse correctly, can you imagine the traffic I would get!? ;)

Posted by Dio Bach at 09:17 | 0 comments | links to this post
Thursday, April 03, 2003

Desperate Times

From Popbitch: [eBay Motors item 2409163204 (Ends Apr-07-03 01:58:09 PDT ) - BMW : Z8]

I like how you get to pose for a photo and get a signed CD as part of the deal - still not met the reserve though.

Posted by Dio Bach at 11:15 | 0 comments | links to this post

A Blast From The Future - 2013

I've been thinking a bit about this recently, what with the imminent birth of Dio Bach jnr. Here are some conversations I imagine myself having with the wee man on the eve of his ninth birthday. Whether or not he will just to listen to the ramblin' ol' fool will be a different matter...

1. Blimey, when I was your age we only had 3 TV channels and no one had even heard of Video recorders, let alone MiniDVD recorders. Unplug those retinal screens and read a book for a change why don't ya?

2. Son, it doesn't matter who makes your trainers or clothes, it's what's inside them that's important. If any one tells you different, take no notice.

3. Son, we have been stupid enough to sign up to America's war with Canada. Why you asks?

Well Bush-Junior jnr says its because they speak French, an we all know how the French said no to America's wars with Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Iran and the North Sea.

Read between the lines though and realise that the recent discovery of the great Montreal and Vancouver oil fields may have been a deciding matter.

Bush-Junior jnr says they have decided to take pre-emptive action should Canada ever consider using its weapons-of-mass-destruction. Just in case they ever did use those WOMDs, he just launched a barrage of Mini-Nuke cruise missiles at the main centres of the country - it will all be over before lunch.

Don't worry or be scared though son, the Llandudno and Aberystwyth oil fields are the best kept secrets in Wales - tell no one.

4. No Son, no holiday this year as we have nothing to get further than walking distance in - since all these oil wars no one has had any money to develop eco-friendly and renewable sources of energy, so we can afford to drive the car with petrol being so expensive now that the oil has all but run-out.

5. Blimey - my first PC had 8 colours and 48k of memory. The internet was where you kicked a football and cerebral hard drives where something completely different.

6. Eat your cabbage and fish salad - I don't care how many of your friends eat that chemical filled MacBurger King sludge - we love you too much to put that poison in your system. You will thank us when you are older. Now tuck in - that 3-headed trout is going cold.

7. No son, being seventeen stone at the age of 9 is not normal - I don't care how many of your classmates are, we will continue to walk to school and run about at every possible opportunity. That's why I won't buy you a Sony Walk-Arm-Chair and why we have to go to Wee Skinny Lad to buy your clothes.

8. That's right, those people with the big throbbing red ears twice the size of their heads are the ones who bought into that whole mobile phone craze, before they were banned. It's rude to stare.

9. Son - drugs are fun (it would be hypocritical of me to say otherwise) - but - and it's a very big but - there is a darkside.

10. No, you can't go to the Limp Bizkit / Linkin Park / Marylin Manson reunion gig. They were shit then and they still are - there is nothing alternative about booking the whole of Reading for an open air gig with mile high video screens and corporate T-shirt stalls. Throw that guitar manual away and just bang those strings.

Phew - I enjoyed that - and I didn't even brush on any important things like morals and puberty... Thank goodness - I will save that till the day.

Posted by Dio Bach at 09:51 | 0 comments | links to this post
Tuesday, April 01, 2003

Llandaff Gallery March 2003 & Nice Sunset

Finally - got all the Llandaff photos for March into one online gallery. [DEAD GALLERY]

A lovely sunset tonight - front and back. Took a couple of photos but as usual - they didn't capture the full beauty. Here they are for you.





Posted by Dio Bach at 20:20 | 0 comments | links to this post

Nipple = Rose

WTF? You're safe - it's past one and no April Fool's posting can go up after midday - lest the jinx god of fools jinks you for a late entry.

So what am I blathering about? We had our third ante natal class last night, on breast feeding. We were shown a film about the Norwegian success of breast feeding. It was fascinating, but strangely bizarre and funny also. Everyting vos spoken in da Scandinavian style, ya, with class lines likes "wiv correct posit-on-ink, you can feed twins at tha same time, maybe, that's vy they come in pairs" and "It is possible to breast feed ven you return to vork, even if you have the unusual occupation, like a trombone player in an orchestra..." LOL!

The scene that cracked the entire audience up was a close-up of a nipple with a voice over that went "Da nipple ist like da rose flower" and just to prove it - a rose flower appeared along side it...

It also bought home how prudish we are about nudity and breasts and nakedness - compared to our European cousins. Listening to the stuff last night though, it is surprising how much things have changed, and how the emphasis has come back to good, natural processes in child birth. I think Mrs Dio Bach will be happy to get it over with mind, and for her bravery she gets a big hug and a kiss. Approximately 11 weeks to the big day now.

Posted by Dio Bach at 12:17 | 0 comments | links to this post

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