Saturday, March 29, 2003

Shit Day

I've had a real shit day today - not the kind of shit happening on a global scale, just personally depressing and irritating. Firstly I got diddled out of a cheese and tomato omelette in the cafe at Tesco, followed by having a mild marital row in same said Tesco cafe.

Then went to my parents to pick up some furniture, only to get a parking ticket after being away from the car for about 5 mins (we parked in the residents zone so we didn't have to carry the furniture far.) I lost my rag with the Traffic Warden, and got all upset. I'm normally a placid person, patient and considerate. When ever I have an episode of explosive rage at another person I spend ages feeling stupid and let down after, mulling it over and over. By expressive rage, I mean, almost blubbing like a baby and trembling like a coward when in a confrontational manner.

Pathetic. I'm useless at confrontation, despite the fact that a lot of people are intimidated by me due to my thuggish build and looks. (If they only knew what a blouse I am!) The last time I lost it like this was maybe about 2 years ago, on the phone with an NTL rep. Man I hate myself when I get like that.

Anyway. That's taken the shine off today. Then I get back to do a bit of garden re-landscaping as Mrs Dio Bach has been asking me to do, against my better judgement. I spent ages laying and relaying a slab trying to get it level. Then after I've succeeded I stood up an found the bloody thing had snapped. So I've been peachy all flaming day.

I'm just starting to relax now, and realise its time for the clocks to leap forward - there goes an hour of my day for nothing, just as I'm starting to relax and the wine I've been looking forward to all day tastes like sickly sherry (that's a long story about my worst drinking disaster.)

Then I feel silly because, really, compared to some people in the world at the moment, its not really that bad. So I just hate myself that little bit more for being so selfish.

If all goes well - I may, just may start doing some paintings tomorrow - for the first time in 4 years... Good old spring, season of good intentions. Let's see how long that lasts.

Posted by Dio Bach at 23:29

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