Thursday, July 11, 2002

I Shat My Pants With Laughter

I have obviously become a 'puter nerd, as this long thing below is without doubt the funniest E mail I have ever been sent. Thanks to Big R for this!

You get those e mails all the time... Actual things that lawyers/doctors/policemen/any professional have said or written. This one comes from actual coversations in internet Chat Rooms...

[tatclass] YOU ALL SUCK DICK
[tatclass] er.
[tatclass] hi.
[andy\code] A common typo.
[tatclass] the keys are like right next to each other.

[[SA]HatfulOfHollow] i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

[ethiopia] i'm starving
[Zybl0re] get on up
[Zybl0re] get up
[Zybl0re] get on up
[phxl|paper] and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances \-[
* nmp3bot dances |-[
* nmp3bot dances /-[

[Kazz] Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
[Zaratustra] a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
[Zaratustra] like a network card without the appropriate driver.
[Kazz] Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
[Sharkey] And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades.

[studdud] what the fuck is wtf

[ohm] damn
[ohm] FUCK
[ohm] DAMN
[ohm] i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
[ohm] FUCK
[ohm] i go like this to her
[ohm] "i want to suck on your clit"
[ohm] FUCK

[serluny:] how long did it took u to learn c?
[ReDPriest:] 4.5 minutes
[serluny:] how did u do that?
[ReDPriest:] i downloaded it into my brain..i got a program to do
that [serluny:] what program
[ReDPriest:] download shit into your brain v3.1
[serluny:] how do i download it?
[ReDPriest:] go to www.downloadable-shit-for-your-brain.com [serluny:] i cant download it something is wrong

reuben] somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
[reuben] i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
[cristobal] why don't you put ice on the stairs
[cristobal] and heat up the door knob
[cristobal] and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
[cristobal] then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....

[Damien2G2] Iheklp
[Longi]what did you say?
[Damien2G2]suinmboidty vcall tyhe polkicse
[Longi] what are u saying?
[Damien2G2] I glued muy ciock to muy hjand

::: .enter@6.53p] _YOU (harpeet@149.99.97.190)
~ _YOU HAVE RECEIVED A FATAL ERROR, PRESS ALT + F4 TO REPAIR THIS IMMEDIATELY
::: .signoff@6.53p] _YOU (harpeet@149.99.97.190); ...
::: .signoff@6.53p] BlueBold (me@tnt01dla202.winnipeg.escape.ca); Leaving
::: .signoff@6.53p] ic3d (ic3d@64-59-140-156.ivideon.com); Leaving
::: .signoff@6.53p] CoolJeff4 (LoKv70@anolas01-p88.mts.net); Leaving

[GaeMan] Chia: Be nice to CAgurl today.
[chirpet] I am always nice to CAgurl. I resent the implication.
[chirpet] I am nice to everyone.
[chirpet] Always.
[chirpet] So shut up.
[chirpet] pigfucker.

[guest27125] hi i am very good at irc, i can script and even hack people on irc, but this real good hacker keeps hacking into me and changing my nick, his name is NickServ
[nikki] can you tell me what a clitoris is because someone is asking me about mine and I don't know what the hell it is

[blergh`] so i went to this fight and a damn hockey game broke out

[wild] i just asked a girl out
[wild] been 6 minutes no reply :|
[wild] maybe icq wasn't the way to go

[_Pete_] my abs have never looked so good in my life after losing these 10 pounds fast soon they'll turn to flab through lack of use though
[Avium] Pete you sound kind of gay
[Avium] no offense you sack of shit

[Allen] what about Hall?
[CactusJac] he died
[Mikey316] he was arrested
[Allen] make up your mind..
[CactusJac] He was arrested for dying.

[dodge] fuck, thought somthing was wrong with my 's' key then, it kept repeating, looked down and it turns out i had my finger on it

[er0s] you know, i've only ever been wrong once in my life, and that's when i thought i was wrong but was actually right.

[AGaeris] With her gone, now Breathe is the only girl-type left for me to talk to in here.
[@Breathe] Who said you could talk to me?

[AnalInvasion] my dick is so big it has feet
[NinjaInThePants] my dick is so big popcorn now comes in small, medium, large, and my dick.

[erno] hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

[blazemore] LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed.
[FlipTopBx] is it modded?

[+kritical] christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
[+Christin1] how do i do that

[BombScare] i beat the internet
[BombScare] the end guy is hard

[Hiroe] he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
[Hiroe] like, HUGE costume
[Hiroe] 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
[Hiroe] at some anime con in california
[Hiroe] they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
[Hiroe] he's riding the elevator down to the con space
[Hiroe] doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
[Hiroe] he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice

[calin] we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
[ecoli] ew.
[ecoli] wait, you "caught" him?
[ecoli] like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
[Aero] he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)

[ckx] women ask for it
[ckx] they act all old and mature
[ckx] and then you stick your cock up their ass
[ckx] and they get all bitchy
[ckx] "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"

[Opcode] i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file

[Thumb] do you know of any major organizations that are similar the CDC?
[Lucent] who?
[Thumb] center for disease control
[Lucent] i said WHO
[Thumb] what? i'm asking you
[Lucent] World Health Organization

[blazemore] omg i love this song
[blazemore] Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
[Javi] blazemore: yeah, that's a bad ass song

[django23] I have a stupid question: what does "sendmail" do?
[Epesh] django: you're right, that is pretty stupid

[FreshBrew] IM DONT MATH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
[FreshBrew] HELL FUCKING YES
[kolby] you still in english?

[asr] 'fo sheezy.
[Sabboth] what the fuck does that mean in english? you should understand that having a day job precludes me from 'keeping it real' and as such, I lack a certain familiarity with the language of the 'streets' as it were.

[madthink] what does putting sugar in someones gas tank do
[maff] I heard when you start the engine cinnamon rolls come out
[maff] with frosting and everything
[madthink] i need to get revenge in the worst way
[maff] cinnamon rolls arent really revenge

[Mikkel] If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody? [Celestya] i dont think so
[Mikkel] Wanna go camping?

[evenpar123] I think I'm losing it...
evenpar123: Losing what?
[evenpar123] my ability to tell the difference between games and reality
[evenpar123] Just today, I was driving down a street, and saw a building that had sunlight reflecting off it...
[evenpar123] And I thought "Damn....these are some nice graphics..."
[evenpar123] It was horrible...
[evenpar123] ugh

[`rip] when you go into a job interview
[`rip] and they ask you what 3 of your weaknesses' are
[`rip] what do you say
[clay] you tell them that youre indecisive
[clay] and then stop talking

So there you have it... Please check out Big R's Blog as thanks for supplying theses...

Posted by Dio Bach at 20:30

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